There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
