I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
