He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
