It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
