My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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