white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
