Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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