my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
