what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
