Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
