Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
