Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
