I'll bet she douches with gravy.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
