Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
