yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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