Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
