WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
