Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
