he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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