My nipple is on Facebook.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
