your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
