she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
