Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
