the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
