So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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