Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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