Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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