On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
