So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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