too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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