He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
