i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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