The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
