I haven't been this sober since birth.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
