highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
