i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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