he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
