Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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