How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
