So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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