I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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