part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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