If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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