After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
