lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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