I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dick very happy bro
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
