Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
