Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
