Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
