Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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